CELEBRATING JUNETEENTH

I love you. Three beautiful and powerful words. So why can’t more dad’s say them? Several male friends have talked about how close they were to their dads, but said their dads never told them “I love you”. They in turn never said it to their sons. Some said it wasn’t a macho or manly thing to do. We want our sons and male family members to grow up to be strong, supportive and loving. But how can they emulate what they don’t see, hear or experience?

The National Center for Fathering blog (https://fathers.com  — https://fathers.com/the-power-of-i-love-you-from-dad/) agrees that fathers saying I love you is important. “A lot of people who didn’t have that benefit still grow up and do fine. But our research and experience at the National Center tells us that those three words, spoken with sincerity and backed up by behavior, can demonstrate support, encouragement, tenderness, and caring as much as anything else we do as fathers. Our words—or sometimes our lack of words—can either bless or discourage our children for their entire lives. And we’ve heard all the excuses: “They know how much I love them.” “I don’t want my son to get a big head.” “It just isn’t what we do in our family.” But those are just excuses. If we know how much it benefits our children, there’s really no reason we shouldn’t say it.”

So what’s a family to do? Start an “I Love You” campaign during the reunion, challenging family males (fathers, grand-dads, uncles, brothers, cousins, sons) to spread those three little words to other male relatives during the reunion, at planning meetings, reunion related events and activities, etc. until it becomes a natural part of their daily lives and vocabulary to their sons, daughters, and the rest of the family as well.

“What makes you a man is not the ability to have a child — it’s the courage to raise one.” ...Barack Obama

“Every father bears a fundamental obligation to do right by their children.” ...Barack Obama

“Above all, children need our unconditional love — whether they succeed or make mistakes; when life is easy and when life is tough.” ...Barack Obama

"The value of a loving father has no price." ...Unknown

"A great father is no great man unless his child respects him." ...Unknown

“One of the greatest things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” ...Howard W. Hunter

“Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.” ...Charles Kettering

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” ...Frederick Douglass

“Intelligence plus character—that is the goal of true education.” ...Martin Luther King Jr.

“The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.” ...B.B. King

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”  ...Arthur Ashe

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”  ...Steve Jobs

“The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.” 

  ...Anthony Robbins

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”  ...Milton Berle

“Learning is the only thing the mind never exhausts, never fears, and never regrets.”  ...Leonardo da Vinci

“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” 

 ...George W. Bush

I am glad you're my father, 

you're really the best,
As a dad, you're a fine one, 

I'm so very blessed.
You're smart, and you're strong, 

just a perfect dad blend,
You're my father, my counselor, 

and a really good friend.
         - Joanna Fuchs 

 Keep on learning, though your graduation's done,
Your whole life's an education, that has only just begun.
Your diploma is the first big step, 

knowledge is the special key,
to winning what you want in life, 

and being who you want to be.
If you'll always be a student, 

you'll find the secrets to success,
and travel on the golden road, 

to peace and happiness.
             - Joanna Fuchs 

There's a list called 100 Ways to be a Better Father, from which we picked our favorite "10" to share with you below. We challenge all dads to check out the complete list for themselves and select their favorites.

1.   Be present with your children.

2.   Say I love you. A lot.

3.   Heap lavish amounts of praise on your kids.

4.   Focus on the positive when speaking to your children.

5.   Don’t be afraid to show your emotions.

6.   Listen to your kids with all of your attention.

7.   Hold your kids accountable for their actions and words.

8.   Read out loud to your children.

9.   Forgive your dad for any grudges you hold against him.

10. Make amends when you’re wrong or grumpy or harsh with your kids.

Get the full list—100 Ways to be a Better Father: https://naturalpapa.com/fatherhood/100-ways-to-be-a-better-father/

Dads are often thought of as one or more of the following: absentee, affectionate, compassionate, cool, geek, handyman, involved, loveable, nurturing, overbearing, playful, proud, provider, responsible, superman/hero, teacher, thoughtful, workaholic, etc. Some people even think of dads in military terms: MIA (missing in action), AWOL (absent without leave), Reserved Duty (slow to interact or reveal emotion), and Active Duty (all in, all the time). As children we want our dads to show up and be present, 24/7. To help and not hurt. To teach and not impair. To embrace and not wound. To love and not fail.

The saying goes, “you can’t teach what you don’t know”. But what do you do if you’re a male, on the cusp of being a father, with no role model or anyone to help you navigate one of the most important undertakings of your life?

You get help. Do some research to find resources that can help you become the best father you can be. Here are two websites to help jumpstart your search/journey:

https://thedadgang.com/

https://www.allprodad.com/